May 11th, 2005

Death

Two deaths have impacted me today.

The second, a murder outside of my apartment, only complicated my afternoon.

The first, the death of a friend, has permanently changed me. I've always felt much closer to her than I really was, because of a particular shared experience: She was my only friend with kids. Sharing something like that at our age transcends a typical friendship, and possibly even obviates one. I'm not sure if she felt the same way, but I felt like I understood a lot about her implicitly, especially those things that were most important to us.

Every second I let my mind idle, I see her little girl, and imagine her plaintive eyes. I've seen those eyes on my little girl from time to time, but I can only imagine the depths of the soul to which they can penetrate with her little girl's new perpetual longing behind them.

I'm different now -- I'll always have that image floating on the surface of my consciousness, wretchedly tragic and beautifully moving.